We have begun to wade back into the waters of foster care and towards it’s deepening throes. As I do, I have been reflecting on the reprieve we took from taking placements. I could not have moved back into this journey had I not rested. In scripture, even in the very beginning of creation, we see the movement from rest to work, not the other way around. When God created Adam and Eve he commanded them to have dominion over the earth, to be fruitful and multiply. But, the very next day of their existence he made a day of rest from labor. Their first day they were made to depend on the all powerful, good, loving, gracious God and then, go out, in dependence on him, into their work. It is so easy to become self-dependent and self-reliant that we neglect the gift of rest that we have been given. In this post, you will find what that has looked like for me.
During a break of five weeks from accepting any placements we were able to grieve and process the unexpected and painful nature in which our last placement left us and rest. It is in this stage that I discovered my emotions did not match up with what many of those around me expected. Relief which seemed that it would be natural was elusive. Sadness was my experience rather than contentment about the necessary parting. Though the last weeks had been arduous, and I had no desire to endure those experiences again, I was grief-stricken.
“The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy.”
Psalm 111:7
I found I must allow time for God to do his work in the grief and weariness. During that time I found myself requiring sleep more often. My emotions were raw making simple activities and routines tiring, painful, and preformed as though I had lost a limb. Learning to lean into rather than away from difficult feelings, while holding contradicting truths together simultaneously has been required. There has been much fighting for rest: to rest in the goodness, mercy, wisdom, and power of my God. In truth, I can look, see, and say that my God has never failed me. He was, is, and will be faithful. “The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy.” (Ps. 111:7)
He gave me blessings large and small during this time intentionally set apart including rest for my body, heart, mind, and soul. He allowed me to explore creation and be caught up in the wonder of the goodness and awe of his world. In his wonderful providence, he brought friends with whom to reconnect and experience the encouragement and upbuilding of fellow believers in a way I had not while parenting. He also drew me nearing through his word and prayers that often could not be uttered. Passages came even more alive as I lived and experienced their truths. Play also marked this time. After recovering to the point of having the energy to do it, I was intentional, both alone and in community, to do that which brought joy and created a sense of liveliness, creativity, and awe.
Rest is not only to be had when burnt out, weary, or exhausted. It is to be woven into the fabric and rhythms of our lives. God commanded rest in the fourth commandment and takes it seriously for his people. This is not the time and place to delve into all the reasons and benefits or rest. But, for me, my biggest take away has been that rest reminds me that I am not the savior, sustainer, or provider for myself or any that are in my care and I am always completely depended on my faithful God.