From the time I began this journey I have had many well intentioned people tell me, “I could never do what you’re doing; I would get to attached.” This response has always bothers me to some degree. Why? Well, there are a few reasons. The first is because I was and am knowingly entering into relationship where I have and will continue to get too attached. Secondly, I am entering into a situation that I am not strong enough of my own accord to handle. I am not a foster parent because I am more capable than anyone else, but because God has brought me here and I have stepped out in obedient reliance on him. Finally, an integral, necessary part of foster care is that you get “too attached.” I wanted to take the opportunity to share why I am doing this. What do I go to when I am in the hard seasons of this journey?
When I started the process of getting licensed I was exhorted by one of my pastors to “count the cost before I built my tower.” And in this break between placements, I reflect on the cost I have paid and if it is worth it. As I consider this, I am reminded of what C.S. Lewis had to say about love.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
These are the moments where from the outside and sometimes internally, I wonder why would I subject myself to this? I am willingly entering into a relationship that will not be easy no matter the situation. You chose to love and care for the child (who often doesn’t know how to accept that) for an unknown amount of time, knowing that the goal is for them to not stay with you permanently, and often they don’t.
Why am I doing this? What do I fall back on during my hardest most painful days? The biggest and first reason is because I want to follow after God’s heart and He makes explicitly clear his heart for children, especially the vulnerable (fatherless.) There are numerous verses I could point to that show His heart but there are a few passages that have especially captured my heart for many years and have impacted my desire to serve vulnerable children.
“Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.“
Isaiah 1:17
“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”
James 1:27
Isaiah 58:6-7
‘“Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? ‘
On the hardest days I chose to love knowing that I have been shown exceedingly more love and grace than I am capable of showing. In the moments and seasons of heartache, I remember that I am healthy enough to choose to love knowing I can heal and that many of the kids that come across my path have never experienced that kind of love. Even though I may never see the fruit of my love and care, each child deserves to be safe, loved and cared for and shown the dignity due to an image bearer of God. I would rather love and give myself fully and be hurt than to avoid attachment and love nothing and as C.S. Lewis said above “It [your heart] will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”