Category: Most Recent

Unmasking Illusions for Freeing Realities

Published on by haleydempsey1 Comment

As humans beings, and perhaps even more so as Americans, we pursue control, comfort, and capability. We avoid situations and circumstances that threaten to reveal the reality of our limitations and weaknesses. Our inability to control our situations, the suffering that comes to all, and the reality that we can not be everything to everyone unmasks the illusions of creatures who would be the creator. If you have been a foster parent for any length of time you are soon confronted with the realities that you have very little if any control over the circumstances surrounding the children in our care.

It is the grace of God that allows us to come to a place of seeing we can never be enough. That hole we are try to fill is a God sized hole and it is grace upon grace when we are brought to the place of complete and utter dependance upon the one for whom we were created. We begin to recognize that we need not fear the challenges and hardships but allow Him to work in and through us in them.

Complete weakness and dependence will always be the occasion for the Spirit of God to manifest His power.

Oswald Chambers

What a truth. When I look into the eyes of the child I love with all my being and realize I can not be what she needs there is freedom. Freedom because my God, in me, magnifies himself and is glorified by showing forth his power through me. There is freedom because God is not limited in His work by my weakness. He is always working, although it is not always clearly seen. When I am worn, weak, and weary I know that I am not less than what I was meant to be but am the vessel as Oswald Chambers puts it “for the Spirit of God to Manifest His power.” I am reminded of 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 that says:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

My success as a foster parent does not rest upon how much my child accepts my instruction, heals from past hurts, stays out of trouble, or loves me and others back. My success is measured by my consistent faithfulness to what God has called me to: sowing, watering, or reaping each in its season. Nothing more and nothing less because all of the results are up to Him. Paul writes of our responsibility as believers in 2 Corinthians 12:6-9:

I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God’s fellow workers. You are God’s field, God’s building.

So in your shortcomings and limitations, your pain and uncertainty, bewilderment and weariness know that you are not failing God. He does not expect you to be more than He created you to be. Be consistently faithful in obedience and repentance; not leaning on your own understanding (Prov. 3:5-6) but asking and trusting Him to do what only He can do. You were created for communion and dependance upon him and to be a reflection of Him to the rest of creation in everything you do.

How to Support Foster Families

Published on by haleydempseyLeave a comment

Chances are, if you’ve made it to this post, you are a friend or family member to a foster parent/family and you want to help but aren’t sure how. Not everyone is called to become a foster parent, but anyone can wrap around a family to support, help, and encourage them. While each family and situation is unique I hope to provide some tangible ideas for how you can provide a helping hand. Foster Parents have taken on a huge responsibility in choosing to do this and can often struggle to ask for help. As a general rule of thumb, offer to help with specific things or ask how you can help, but don’t expect these requests out of the blue.

One Time:

Assemble/Provide Welcome Baskets:
Children often come with very little to
nothing and a basket with comfort items and necessities can help get them settled.

Deliver a Meal:
The first few weeks of a placement are incredibly chaotic with scheduling and going to appointments, purchasing necessities,
and allowing time to adjust. Meals during this time or later when you know a family has been under a lot of stress are a welcome blessing.

School Supplies/Backpack:
Reach out to your foster parent friends and see what school supplies they may need and put together a backpack for their child. School supplies can add up and be another stress to get together during the early days of a placement.

Gift a membership or day passes:
Gifting memberships or day passes to local attractions can be a great way to encourage and support foster parents in developing connections and building relationships with their kids. Children’s Museums, Zoo’s, Aquariums, etc. are great places to start!

Donate clothes/toys:
Many children that come into a foster home have little to nothing. Donating your age-appropriate, gently used clothes and toys, especially early on in a placement can meet an immediate need.

Occasional:

Pick Up Groceries/Necessities:
Life gets hectic and trying to fit in the time between regular appointments and then unexpected appointments to get to the grocery store. Also, when a placement does come offering to pick up frozen meals/underwear/PJs/and hygiene products can help in the first day or two.

Be the “hands and feet” for a family:
Sometimes, when you get to the end of the day, or even a week, foster parents look around their homes and realize all the chores that have been left undone. Having a friend offer to take laundry home to wash and dry, come clean bathrooms, etc can be a welcome relief.

Provide Transportation:
The appointments for foster families are endless and contribute to a significant amount of driving. Picking even one appointment a week/bi-weekly/month can lighten the load and help your foster family have some breathing room. If you want to make this a regular occurrence, take to the family about getting background checked!

Babysit:
Foster Parents are like any other parent who also need a break! Whatever you have the capacity for we welcome the offer. In many states, as long is it is not a regular occurrence, people foster parents personally trust can babysit their kids.

Regular:

Mentor a Child
Children need safe, loving, caring adults in their lives in addition to their parents and guardians. Becoming a mentor to a child allows them to be exposed to new experiences, broadens what they think is possible, and can flame their interests.

Tutor
School can be a challenging place for foster kids. There is much adjusting that takes place and children can come in behind or struggling to understand material. A little additional help, especially with subject parents are not strong in can be a welcome help.

Get background-checked/Backup Caregiver
There is much you can do without having to have a background check done. If you have a desire to be more regularly involved in the life of a foster child/family, submitting to a background check and fingerprinting is a huge asset. Should the foster family have an emergency, need a break, require regular transportation from you, or you provide a set time away you will be approved to do so.

Additional Ways To Support:

Get Informed about Foster Care/Trauma/Etc
Your foster family friends have gone through hours of training and preparation to get to the place they are. Often, they, the purpose of the system, or the kids they serve can be severely misunderstood. One way you can love the foster care community is by learning more about it. (Check out the Recommended Reading if you’d like a great place to start.)

Check-In and Listen non-judgmentally
The world of foster care is unique and often isolating and lonely. Having friends who are willing to text or call to just see how they are doing can make the difference between feeling like you’re not going to make it and feeling like you have the resources to do what you need to. One of the most important aspects of this point though, is that when you listen, do so compassionately and without judgement. You may not understand what your friend my share, and that’s ok! I have found more often than not, I don’t need the answers to my problems, frustrations, or heartaches, but rather just someone to sit in them with me. Acknowledge and validate the griefs that are shared with you. Be careful not to assume that you know what these families are feeling. They experience many intense, complex emotions often simultaneously that are not easy to categorize.

Pray
Foster parents tend to be keenly aware of their own inability, limitations, frailty, and failures. They are confronted with it daily. To be covered, as by cover fire in battle, to be able to move forward is vital.

For children, you can pray:
1) That God would heal their hurts.
2) That they would experience a sense of belonging.
3) That they would know they are loved by God.

For foster parents, you can pray:
1) For endurance and strength
2) For peace and understanding in every relationship: children, biological families, and agency workers.
3) That more families/individuals would step up to meet the tremendous need for foster parents.
4) That foster parents would trust to God the unknown futures of all of the children in their care.


Foster Care Awareness Month

Published on by haleydempseyLeave a comment

The month of May is Foster Care Awareness Month. The realities and needs of the Foster Care Community are often unseen and misunderstood and because of that, I wanted to take this occasion to share some basic facts regarding this world.

Throughout the rest of the month of May I will share stories of why and how I got involved in foster care. If you would like to share your story, I would love to hear it! Please reach out through the contact page.

Hello World!

Published on by haleydempsey2 Comments

Hello and welcome to Get Attached. My name is Haley and I wanted to share a bit about myself and give a little back ground to why I started this blog. I would describe myself as a millennial with an old soul who loves Jesus and seeks to love others like Jesus. As a 26 year old, single woman I became a licensed foster parent in the state of Georgia in October of 2021.

I started this blog because I wanted a place to be real with people about the struggles, joys, and heartbreak of foster care. I hope people are able to peer into the life of an ordinary young woman who God has let participate in an amazing, hard, rewarding, heartbreaking calling. I have had lots of people tell me, “I could never do that; I’d get too attached” or “It takes a special person to be able to do that.” In these moments I want to make them understand that I’m not doing it because I’m more capable or special. I do it because I have a God who gave me the desire, opened the doors, and has been faithful to sustain and provide every step of the way and I am utterly dependent on Him.

I often write to work through the things I know in my mind are true in order for them to make their way to my heart. I write with a few goals or hopes in mind. 1) That others would feel less alone in this journey. 2) to educate on the need and ways to help even if you don’t open your home to foster care, 3) to share they ways I’ve been sustained by my loving heavenly Father.